A few months ago, I went Zorbing on a lake with two of my aunts. It is way harder than it looks and needed coordination. Just as we seemed to get a hang of it, one of us would slip and the other two would quickly follow until we were all laughing so hard that we could barely stand. When we did actually make some progress, they would pull us back to shore and we would start all over again. It’s one of those simple, fun experiences which will stay with you forever.
Lately, I feel like I am back in that ball. Only, this time it is not fun at all. Every time I think I’m making some progress, I am tossed around and left feeling disoriented and Adrift
There have been two major events which have changed the course of my life. My paternal family is responsible for one. An erstwhile ‘friend’ for the other. Both have left scars so deep in my psyche that I doubt they will ever disappear.
I’ve worked incredibly hard to make something of my life and am proud of what I have achieved. Its taken my many hours of therapy to lessen the hold that those experiences have on me. For the most part I have succeeded. However, from time to time the tiniest of triggers can set me off into a spiral of depression.
Two days ago both my demons reared their ugly heads. One in the form of a photograph of said ‘friend’ and the other, an in person run in with my grandmother at a family gathering. All within the span of 12 hours! Also, I had to spend hours at that gathering smiling and explaining to nosy relatives that I am taking time off and not looking for a job. Piece of cake, right? Life was definitely having a laugh at my expense!
Either one alone wouldn’t have affected me too badly but together they left me shaken. It was like having the worst parts of my life thrown in my face. I’ve alternately been gripped by an empty hollow feeling or restless and questioning all many aspects of my life since then. Luckily, I have supportive family and friends who are my anchor and bring me back into the light each and every time. I would be completely adrift without them. So, better luck next time depression. I am the winner of this bout. This girl is stronger than you think